i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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