I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am naked and annoyed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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