So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
