i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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