My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
