She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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