This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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