just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
