just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
