Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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