How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
