My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
porn star boner night. come get it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
