We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
