He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
