just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
and you fell through a lawn chair
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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