Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
