I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
