we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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