she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
