holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
