Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
