Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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