What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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