i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
