I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I deserve this hangover.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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