My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
