I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
