WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
