You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
