The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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