My underwear smells like fireworks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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