Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
