I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
