Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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