Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
