I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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