Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
