We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
