He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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