My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
