You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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