just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
