She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
