he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
