I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
