I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
