everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think i got beer on your cat.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
