i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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