she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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