I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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