i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
